Pain and Fatigue

Fibromyalgia has to be one of the worst diseases to have. Its neither degenerative nor life threatening but it feels like it should be. The worst part is that no matter how poorly I feel, I look fine to everybody else. So, most people who haven't experienced the pain and fatigue first hand tend to minimize what I'm feeling.

For example, sometimes I'll experience blinding headaches. Luckily, they're not frequent. But when one hits it excruciating! One side of my head feels like its exploding. Concurrently, my eye site on the same side blurs and it becomes almost impossible to think. I've reported these symptoms to my doctors (PCP and pain clinic) . The response? "It's a sinus infection." Or, " take some Tylenol."

Now, I realize that there's nothing these people can do for me regarding the pain. That's the nature of the disease. But its almost insulting to get a response like this! A sinus infection? No runny nose. No "discolored snot." No other symptom to indicate an infection. Tylenol? I've worked with these doctors for over 2 years at this point. They know that I don't complain about anything until I've tried all the obvious "fixes". We're talking about a pain that hasn't responded to any med including Vicodin! They prescribed it themselves! Why would anyone minimize something like this?

Ah hell, I'm really just venting because of how nasty I feel at the moment. The doctors and nurses have been really good for the most part. I know that they must be incredibly frustrated with anyone with FMS (Fibromyalgia) because there is minimal response to almost any treatment. It's a normal reaction to eventually just shrug your shoulders and minimize anything that you can't do anything about (The "I didn't really want that anyway" response).

It would be helpful if my wife would show some sympathy though! Even a hug would probably be helpful. But no! We have such different approaches toward sympathy and empathy. If our roles were reversed I'd make a point of trying to help her feel better. Instead, her response is to withdraw from me and pretend there's no problem. Ignore it and it'll go away. Note: This has gone on for so long that one of us will be "going away" soon. It's highly unlikely that this marriage can continue like this.

But that's another rant for another time.

In the meantime, after waking up this morning feeling like I played a full game at guard in the Patriots offensive line without pads, the meds are finally kicking in. I'll be able to do something besides lie here and bitch soon.

So, that's enough for now. Hopefully I can talk about something else later today.

PS. I just read over this post and even my response is "Wah, Wah, Wah!". Crap! Hopefully by venting like this I won't do it to my friends and family.